Waking

Waking up can be very scary. You never know what exactly awaits you when you do. It could be some random memory or a feeling. It could be a feeling of regret or sorrow or a feeling of joy and hopefulness. It could be your sweetie kissing you good morning with that special stench of bad breath that only he or she has, or it could be that excruciating headache that only a night of heavy drinking can produce. Either way it comes down to the unknowings of how it is actually going to feel when you do wake up, and that is something I that I think about every time I'm lying awake trying to fend off insomnia. Usually you can find a special sadness to that awakening, especially after a particularly great evening. You completed a quest of some sort and went to sleep satisfied. Now you must take on a new day with a sense of uncertainty and maybe a bit of anxiety with some unease dropped into the mix. I think this is the reason most people say they would prefer to die in their sleep and I can get along with that wish. I find myself considering that when I first wake up. I have experienced a vastness of emotions and wouldn't feel slighted much if I were to go eternal in my sleep this very night. I know this probably sounds dark but come on, it's just how I feel. Anyways, I'm sure there won't be any crossing over tonight (sorry John Edward). I'll likely wake once again with stinky breath in my face or an overall sense of dread, possibly (probably) both, and I'll just get on with it.

gay

The topic of being gay came up in one of my classes today. Is it genetic or is it choice? As a teacher, I can not comment and I only have to listen. I think that Polish people are very crazy when it comes to being Catholic. There was not even a discussion that everyone i Poland said that it is a choice that people choice if they believe in Satin. Personally, I think it doesn't matter what the point is...that Polish people are really that close minded. I am setting in a room with 13 people who all say that if you touch someone of the same sex your a satanist. This is ridiculous. Who are we to make such a claim? Why can't people just live and let live? I think in Poland people try so hard to fit into some type of norm here that it is unfathomable for me to see them in any other way. Which is why I have promised from this day on, to push people in Poland to think outside the box. Let people be who they want to be and just because they don't make a donation to the dish on Sundays at church doesn't mean they are horrible and disgusting. Why not let women have rights, why can't the man stay at home while the woman works. Why can't I open my own door, carry my own groceries, light my own cigs, order my own food at a restaurant and choose to have sex with whomever I choose.